[***Though this has nothing to really do with my post, the concept is still the same. Go check out a post about why black people can't win at Maverick's spot. It's long as all hell, but definitely worthy of reading.***]
I’m broke.
That’s a fact jack. One would think that having a middle class waged job and living in an upper lower class environment (which only means that we don’t do Section 
would lend itself to me being pretty damn well off. But unfortunately the money Gods and the Dalai Lama do not see it fit for me to just be rich right now.
Now this is not broke in the sense of having no food, but of the food not being steak and scrimps, just food that’ll do. Unless of course you go to the Left Bank in Washington, DC, and order some gotdamn shrimp and they bring you back 3 measly ass scrimps which probably didn’t come from no Gulf as advertised but really came from a pond in a Golf Course up the street.
[***Sidenote: This is something I've always wondered: Why in the shit is it that the more you spend on food, the less you get? Why do rich people spend $30 dollars on a plate of food to get one asparagus spear?? This makes no damn sense to me. You got to TGI Tuesdays (yes bitch I know) and order some chicken fingers and I'll be gotdamned if you don't get enough to fill you up, but if you go to Le Holeinawall in some fanch schmancy place and order some chicken fingers they'll bring you one chicken stub, some rice, and stick an umbrella in the parsley which really doesn't belong with chicken fingeresque foods but still, rich muhfuckas love parsley. Shit tastes like creek water and ass monkeys. I'm just sharing.***]
So in my brokeness, I was talking to a friend of mine yesterday who was telling me about her friend who took a year off after graduating from college to study for the LSAT with no plans on working. Oh yeah, she also just up and moved to a new city, her parents bought her a new house, and bought her a brand new $70,000 vehicle.
Just because.
Now to me, that’s some white shit (her friend is a black girl). It’s up there with taking a year off to scale the Alps and go windsurfing in the South Pacific on the list of shit white people can do because they can afford to whereas I’d just go to Barnes & Nobles, read an LSAT book there, get kicked out, then go take the test when it was offered, all the while working a full time job because I can’t afford to take a year off.
Remember, I’m broke.
[***DISCLAIMER: This goes out to all you people who are going to get your draws/panties in a bunch and say something stupid like, "white shit?, so what is black shit? It's ignorant to say something like that because there is no such thing as white stuff!" Hmm...fuck you and die. You know what the fuck I'm talking about and if you don't most of your friends are probably white and you think Chingy and Nelly are what rap music really is, or are some ignant muhfucka who I'd just never actually want to speak to in real life. So, do me, your momma, that bum on the corner, and yourself a favor and just die.***]
So I got to thinking. Being as I’ve been REALLY broke before, I’ve had to make a decision between say eating and putting gas in my car. Or say, buying groceries, or paying a bill…at all. I’ve had my power shut down before for a few days cuz a brutha was delinquent like shit. As in, they called my grandmother trying to find me to collect. How they made THAT connection I’ll NEVER know. Which reminds me of something.
STRAIGHT UP NIGGA SHIT: So, I was late like hell on paying bills…something like three months. Was I worried?? Nope, the bill wasn’t in my name (nor my grandmother’s). Is that fucked up? Well yes it is. Thank you.
So this young ladies ability to take a year off from going back to school or working got me to thinking about something.
What exactly are the problems that rich people have?
And ummm…can I try that shit for a week??
You see, being somebody’s who been pretty damn broke, I recognize broke ass people problems all the time. Can’t pay bills on time, not enough to eat, can’t get gas, etc. You might be working but still aren’t making ends meet. Basically, that sucks monkey nuts. But what do rich people problems look like? I racked my brain for a good hour trying to figure out what problems rich people have. Nearly all of my problems are tied to money. If I was rich, I wouldn’t have those same issues.
In my fantasy world, I envision rich people having problems trying to decipher who really cares about them and who’s just there for the money. Then I realized that’s a formerly broke nigga problem. Constantly rich people don’t have that same problem because well, they live around other rich people. But that’s about as far as I got.
So what the shit is a rich person problem? It ain’t bills, it ain’t eating, it ain’t having a place to sleep at night. You can’t say drug use because you do that to yourself…at first. After that first hit of coca-in-e, you’re pretty much a sucker for love.
In the immortal words of the late great Rick James, “cocaine is a helluva drug.”
(Speaking of which, Chappelle’s Show Second Season is out on DVD now. Go cop that and get prepared for Round Two of white boys gone wild yelling “I’m Rick James bitch” out of cab windows at 4am after a night of drinking.)
If I was rich, I’d be smiling a lot. I usually smile when things are good. There are a lot of folks who aren’t smiling in America. You know why…cuz they don’t have shit to smile about. Because they’re broke. Hell, it might cost money to smile. You might fuck around and get your face stuck in a smile and then you have to pay to get your face unsmiled. Then you’re extra broke because health care ain’t no joke.
In my fantasy world, I can’t understand why any rich person wouldn’t wake up everyday and say, “damn it feels good to be a gangster…er…me. I’m rich, other people aren’t, life is good.” I know everybody has problems in life, but I just can’t fathom the idea of problems that rich people might have across the board. In my mind, the grass is greener on that side of the fence and the shit aint artificially colored either. It’s nice, green, lush, lovely grass.
Over here on the broke side, we got dirt clumps mixed with what used to be grass and used condom wrappers which somehow always end up on sidewalks.
I could be wrong, but it must be nice to be rich…cuz being broke is a bitch.
LOL I often wonder the same thing. But you know how people are…always looking for something MORE and if they don’t have problems they’ll create some.
rich people have personality/emotional problems.
struggle breeds character yadda yadda blah blah blah so broke people have great personalities and are generally fun to be around (but only if you’re also broke…being the only one with money in a room full of broke niggas ain’t no kinda fun) because they’re down to earth and have nothing but a wealth of jokes and personality. broke people gotta laugh to keep from crying…
can you tell i am well-versed in Broke? LOL
Maybe they’re real busy making more money or counting it or something. And maybe they have to wash their hands a lot because you know money is dirty and then their hands chafe and you know chafing can hurt real, real bad. Or maybe, shit. I can’t think of anymore. *shrug*
Seeing as I plan to blow the fug up and be rich very soon, I’ll tell you how it goes then. Actually, no I won’t cus I’m steering clear of all you broke mofo’s cus I don’t want y’all plotting to marry me, and then kill me to get all my money. Rich people fear abandonment. Maybe. They fear being taken advantage of. Maybe. Being poor. Yes, that’s it. Rich people’s biggest fear is finding themselves poor.
you crack me up!
i was just thinkin on this conundrum *rich n*gga word* yestiddy *broke n*gga word* cuz i was flipping through a copy of the Forbes 400. apparently, rich is a state of mind – if you know how much you’re worth, then you’re not really rich. which apparently means that i must be the High Yellow Bill Gates or sumthin cuz i don’t know how much my net worth is – i only know “not much”.
i remember blowing snot out my nose when i read an article about the ‘middle class’ in new york city. they argued that middle class went up to $10 million!! now, if i got 10 million dollars i ain’t in the middle of sh!t – i’m on top of thangs. these $10 million dollar babies were struggling to maintain their $2 million dollar apartments, their garage payments (cuz 2 mill apartments don’t come with parking), private school, and trips to the hamptons. go figure.
in any case, broke is better than being po’. broke means i might pay a bill later rather than sooner, while po means you cain’t even call my house to collect on it.
the white rich girl’s biggest fear?
missing an episode of the OC.
im sure at least a few have committed suicide cause of that shit
How do you do this time and time again?
Excellent!
I WISH I could write like you. Seriously.
i went to school with a lot of richies. they’re afraid of being alone. that’s it. no, really. there’s nothing else.
being upper lower class (hah, i thought i was the only one who knew what that was) i think makes me appreciate my accomplishments more. i mean, how stoked was i when i discovered that the YMCA gives out daycare & camp scholarships? and who did i wanna slap when i found out that i was JUUUUSSSST broke enough to qualify for free daycare for the son? i mean, damn dawg. us broke niggas gotta take our victories where we can.
The only problems I could think of for a rich individual are:
-How to stay rich…forever
-How to know if people (including family) only like/love/tolerate them for their richness
-How to become rich…er
Yeah patnah, that’s about it.
y’all have me dying laughing…forreal though, i think being born rich gives you a serious lack of direction…all the rich kids that i went to school with are still trying to figure themselves out (i know, aren’t we all)…but they are not really motivated to do much because they know they can always live lovely off of mommy and daddy..us members of the “upper lower class” on the other hand know that our behinds will be SOL if we don’t get up and do something….so why would someone be motivated to work when they already have a house, a car,a trust fund, a bethrothed marriage to another rich person,and a padded bank account for free…….
Oh man, so glad I found your blog and that this very first entry is like my gospel…Though I am white, I have never, ever been able to make ends meet–even after graduating and getting a job which earns me a middle class salary in an upper-lowerclass hood (though am doing a fine job of it now by going into massive credit card debt).
I not only have a friend who took the year off to study for the bar exam while living with some friends in Ireland, but actually had her COUCH SHIPPED OVER because it was comfortable and she didn’t want to live without it.
I have no clue what this would be like.
I have heard that rich people worry about losing their money in the same way that we “poor” people worry about not having any. I don’t buy it…but then, I couldn’t buy it, could I because I don’t have any money!
Rich people have problems…not sure about all of them but I think we’d have the same problems if we were rich. Since we’re Po (can’t afford the o and r) we don’t focus on those problems. We’re just waiting for the next paycheck to come in. Damm June 30th will not come fast enough (yes I only get paid once a month ain’t that a bitch).
you know that old adage, “to the victor, goes the spoils”? that’s the exact reason i wouldn’t never want to be rich. yeah, they don’t have the pedestrian problems like choosing between checkers and exxon, but they were never a victor to APPRECIATE anything.
I like the fact that i can look back on some really character testing shit and say “hey, i did that my damn self…and i’m a strong man for it.” i dont think rich folks ever get the satisfaction because they never face the same kinda impediments.
and then when we DO get rich (we gon make it), we’ll have the perspective to understand what it took to get their…that frame of reference is invaluable.
Seeing as I am a broke ass… I can’t even imagine what a rich person’s problems might be since most of mine stem from being a broke ass… LOL… the other problems are most inconsequential and easy as FUCK to fix. I tellyou…. everything is relative. And in the words of the immortal Regine from Living Single… “Money might not buy you happiness but it can buy you a Ferrari and you can drive up reaaaaaaaaaaallll close to it.” Hmmph. I know that’s right. LOL
Top rich-folk worries:
1. Criminals/crime
2. Appearances–physical and social
3. Which house to buy next, which old one to remodel and sell, or where to build a new one
4. Why do my kids/parents/friends hate me? I’ve given them EVERYTHING. OR why do I hate my friends/parents/children
5. Tax shelters and staying rich
6. Finding good help, cause for real, it is hard. Bitches is always tryin’a slack off or get away with some shit, and never, ever anticipate every need like you pay them to.
7. Paper or plastic (money)
8. New jag, bentley, or aston martin?
9. chairing committees/philanthropy–which one to choose?
10. boredom, because you’d be surprised how boring shit is when you can just…buy…anything you want, ever.
just a guess…
Seeing as how I’m a year and a half late to this party, no one will probably read this, but I know what rich people’s problems are. My wife works for a couple of them. there are various things, but the main one is this. If you or I (brokeass variety people) have inner conflicts, doubts about our self worth, feelings of anxiety and despair, we can deal with it because we rationalize that if we just get that next raise, or find a way to pay our bills, or get the loan to buy a house, or whatever what if, then it’ll all be alright. Rich people don’t have that. they have every material thing they want. If they feel worthless or anxious, they are left with the inescapable truth that something is fundamentally wrong with them. Themselves. Inside. They are fucked. That shit can jack with your mind. I’ve seen a formerly happy but struggling single mom marry a multimillionaire and turn into a raging alcoholic within 2 years.