Jackson G. Tickle Enterprises Presents…Panama’s Propositions

One of my boys is a genius. Like a real one. As in, the stuff he works on, I can’t even understand. This is what happens when you get a Ph.D. in biomedical engineeering. You start veering into what people tell me is English, however it all looks Greek to me. Which is ironic since a lot of it is actually Latin.

Voulez vous coucher avec moi, ce soir??

Anyway, being as he’s a genius, and is obtaining a Ph.D. in shit I don’t understand, he gets to go to conferences and present his findings and research in places like Italy, Cali, etc. Thus found us in San Diego during the weekend of April 1-4. There was some HUGE Experimental Biology conference going on in San Diego last weekend. So what do me and 5 of my other friends do??? We decide to ride piggyback on his genius and turn his conference into a mini-vacation for us.

Four days and three nights of basking in the beauty that is California. You know, I must say that California is really a beautiful place. Just driving from LA to San Diego was great (we all flew into LAX) though the greatness was reduced by one of my boys special affinity to…water, you know oceans and seas…tap water. Yes, water. I won’t tell you what seeing water (yes, water) does to him but let’s just say it made the rest of us in the car nervous.

Anyway, another vacation down in the record books and shoutouts to my folks. Now that I think about it, I need to send another shoutout to my OTHER boy who is about to start a Ph.D. in Psychometrics in NY. What is psychometrics you ask?? I have no idea, but they give out Ph.D.’s for it, so I’m all for it. I’d shout out the women I went with, but they are going to get a special shout out later in this post. Either way, for my farewell group vacation, this one was great.

So for this trip, I decided to recount the escapades by doing a list of things I learned while in San Diego. Ready?? Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere we go!

Panama Jackson Presents…Life Lessons Gleaned While Hanging 10 in San Diego (In no particular order)

1. Everybody knows that Superman could withstand anything, but apparently some people forget he had a slight allergic reaction to Kryptonite.

I love my friends. They are dreamers and believe they can do anything they want to in life. Especially drink as much as they want with no consequence. Telling a 6’1″, 230 pound man that he can drink as much as he wants results in the following (unbeknownst to him at all): ordered rounds of drinks for everybody and then drank them all himself, he stumbled down stairs, he STARTED smoking (I turned around and this cat was smoking a Cigar…not well, but he did attempt to inhale…congrats), the complete and UTTER DEMOLITION of a Wyndham Hotel bathroom. It was so bad that I cleaned it up once, and woke up the next morning, and it looked like I hadn’t touched shit. Yes…to my boy Francis M.H. AKA Superman…NIGGA…Kryptonite FUCKED up Superman. From restaurant bathrooms in Harlem, NY to hotel rooms in sunny San Diego, Cali-for-ni-a…this cat does damage!!!!

2. San Diego is the most beautiful city in America.

I’ve been to nearly every major city in America. I’ve seen some nice cities, but I’ll be damned if San Diego isn’t the most beautiful place I’ve ever been. I mean everything looked nice. From the beaches to Old Town San Diego to the streets of downtown, to the Gas Lamp district. Honestly, if you’re homeless and reading this over somebody’s back in an internet cafe, just go to San Diego…it’s worth it.

3. Diversity does live…just not anywhere but San Diego.

You know, I’m amazed at something. I’ve never seen a more diverse crowd of folks than in San Diego. There were black folks, but they hung with everybody. There were no stricty black, or white, or Asian crews. It was everybody just kicking it to be kicking it…with everybody. Which only pissed me off in the club because some of these fuckers (read non-black folks) have no rhythm. No rhythm means you bump into me often. When Fat Joe says Lean Back and you lean sideways, well Houston, we have a problem.

[***Sidenote: How fucked up is it to say Houston we have a problem now that the singer Houston gouged out his eye? Like he really DOES have a problem. Not that anybody cares about Houston, so maybe it aint important. In fact, fuck it. We The Voices has been updated(or will be tomorrow anyway)!!!***]

But other than that, diversity is alive and well in San Diego.

4. Be nice to people, they might be able to hook you up later.

So I like to talk. A lot. Well, while waiting for the valet one morning to bring up the car so we could head to breakfast, I started chit chatting with one of the valets named Nick. He’s from Tennessee. So we started talking about that and I asked him about places to go in San Diego he tells me this placed called E Street Alley. Apparently its a hot spot in San Diego. Well, after a little while longer, he tells me that if I come through, he’ll get me in ahead of the line and at a discounted rate. And you know what…he did. Shoutouts to the homie Nick from The Wyndham Hotel and E Street Alley for hooking me and my friends up and making us look like VIP to the folks in the line.

Moral of the Story: Everybody is somebody if you just talk to them…and they might have passes to the club.

5. Being a DJ is an art that is often lost in translation.

Umm…the DJ at E Street Alley (that was jam packed full of people trying to get their party on) basically, well, sucked. This fucker played either shit you didn’t want to hear, or songs that came out in 2002 or before. Newsflash bitch…it’s 2005. The only new songs he played were”Candy Shop,” “Lean Back,” and Nivea’s “Feelin’ Good”. THAT’S IT. Everything else was shit that made you say…huh?? Or was old as dirt. OLD AS DIRT I SAY!!!

Bastard.

6. Talk to people cuz hell, they might make you feel important and famous.

So I met these white chicks while standing in line to get up to the beach level at The W Lounge and Bar, another of San Diego’s hot spots. This is nothing new, I’ll strike up a convo with a tennis ball if its there. However, apparently I made myself seem to be important enough where they asked if they could go up to the second floor VIP Beach lounge part with me. Why exactly, I have no idea. Everybody who stood in line was going to get up there eventually. They were cool as hell though and apparently got their holla on to some folks up in the club. Good times.

Either way, I’m officially changing my name to Panama “I Can Make You Famous” Jackson.

7. San Diego might be the prettiest city in America, but LA still holds the crown as having the finest women in America.

Now look, for everybody from NY or hell, anywhere in the northeast, midwest, or down south…just perish.

Panama says just PERISH.

I really love that Mannie Fresh “Conversations” video!

Facts are facts. I’ve lived in the South, hell its home. Atlanta has some of the finest women anywhere, this is true.

New York does not.

*ducking tomatoes and kitchen sinks being thrown at me*

Houston has gorgeous women.

Baltimore does not.

However, even the chicks working at the broke down spots in LA look good. This was not the case in San Diego. It’s not to say that we didn’t see gorgeous women its just that we didn’t see many of them…at all. Except this one chick working at some place in Old Town San Diego. Me and my boy had to do like a quadruple take. Aye caramba!!!

But yes, San Diego is beautiful, its just a shame that all the fineness of LA didn’t trickle down.

[***Another sidenote: I don't wanna hear SHIT about the fact that all of the women in LA are fake and whatnot. Hell, I've seen statistics. Horses are freezing at phenomenal rates nowadays so don't go making up some shit about how they're all fake if you are currently the owner, operator, and CEO of "Hair Ain't Mine" Industries. Smooches! )***]

8. Apparently in some cultures, calling a fish shack a restaurant and making up some shit about it serving chicken is okay!

Before I explain this one, I’d like to send and extra special fuck you out to the homies…

C-Breezy, Jonetsu, and the blogless OH and a Dime representa, Shakedown from Shaketown.

Fuck y’all.

You see, these assholes decided they wanted to go to seafood restaurant…hmm…no, to a ribshack that served fish. Thing is, I don’t eat seafood like that. Never have. However, they informed me that they called ahead and were told that they had chicken. Now, I was a little skeptical about this anyway because you’re in a sea town. Seafood restaurants, fuck that, ribshacks that serve fish, probably only serve fish. But no, I was informed that they would have chicken.

So we get there and they had chick alright…as a kids meal. Now I’m a grown ass black man. I’m not ordering no gotdamn kids meal. And these asses were like, you should order TWO kids meals cuz that would be like one grown folks meal. Fuckers.

And to make that even more fucked up. They were TOLD that they only had chicken kids meals. Do you think they shared that little tidbit of information with me??? NOPE!!!

And let’s get back to this fish-shack place. They kept talking about this place like it was a restaurant. Not just some place where you place your order than go sit wherever the hell you can on the wooden benches or deck furniture and have to eat with the flies, seagulls, and pigeons who keep flying thru the windowless dining area, scratch that, open area with chairs and foldout church tables. So our trip to a restaurant turned into a carry out fish shop that had fish/squid/shrimp tacos. That’s just not right.

So to my friends, I love you all. KISS MY ASS!!!!!

9. You can learn a lot about your friends when you visit their homes.

Hmm…I ain’t callin’ no names, but one of my friends lives like 5 minutes from gotdamn Dr. Dre. Yes, THAT one. Not to say that they are in the same neighborhood and borrow sugar from one another, but it didn’t take no damn time to get from his neighborhood to hers is all I’m saying. You just never know…apparently, in school I found the brokest bunch of friends I could find as far as males were concerned, but somehow managed to find a few female friends who were from some rather well to do families.

Lesson for the day: When in school, make rich friends so you can learn and see different shit. Being broke and visiting broke friends just reinforces what you already know…life’s a bitch and then you die.

Just PERISH!!!

and finally…

10. When booking a flight, MAKE SURE YOU READ THE GOTDAMN DATE ON ORBITZ, TRAVELOCITY, ETC. BEFORE HITTING SUBMIT.

Hmm…I love my friends. One in particular had caused a hell of a ruckus because he had to be back to LA to catch a flight at noon on Monday. We were scrambling like crazy trying to figure out who was gonna rent the cars or who was going to drive back early. Well, Shakedown from Shaketown, ends up heading back to LA early for work and takes my boy Francis M.H. with her. They get to the airport on time.

Or so they thought.

Turns out homeboy schedule a return flight to NY FOR THE DAY AFTER WE GOT TO LA. So this cat caused all kinds of shit for us trying to get back to LA JUST TO MISS his flight by, count ‘em, THREE DAYS. We were worried about hours, NOPE…THREE DAYS. I swear, you have to love your friends…you do. If you haven’t told your friends you love them today…do so now…

…OR JUST PERISH.

PANAMA SAYS JUST PERISH.

Oh yeah as a Bonus…

11. Car games are fun especially putting your friends phone numbers on pieces of paper for folks on I-5 to see and call. Big ups to Shakedown “Superhead” from Shaketown. Hit her up at 770-908-7383!!!

NOW WHO HAS THE LAST LAUGH!!!!

And so went San Diego, one of the nicest cities in America, and one of the best vacations I’ve had. Not as much drunken debauchery as prior trips, but there was much drunkeness had by all. So much so that EVERYBODY took a day off of drinking for fear of essentially, screwing ourselves over.

So to my folks who ventured to San Diego, I love y’all.

Keep bangin’….

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