Some folks say that gangsters make the world go ’round. Well not really some folks, mostly gangsters say this…and not always real gangsters either, but folks who spell gangster with an “a” at the end, like “gangsta,” who have videos and make albums like ten years past their prime and say stupid shit in their songs that is SO far from their reality.
Hmm…Are We There Yet???
However, I, along with the rest of the world tend to think that people make the world go ’round. I love people. I’m fascinated with people and how we interact with one another and respond to one another.
And it is with this fascination that I’ve determined that, well, people are simply full of shit. Through and through, in every conceivable way, people are just completely and utterly full of shit.
And I’m a people…so I know this from firsthand experience.
But to what am I referring?? Well, its no secret that people operate at damn near all times in their own best/self interest. What I hate is folks who refuse to acknowledge this when clearly their every action speaks to the contrary. Folks who only call you or talk to you when they need something. Folks who refuse to own their bullshit. People who will justify any and everything so that they are right and refuse to ever be wrong for shit. People who never apologize for anything and refuse to ever think that they need to. People who are never there when you need them, yet swear that they will always have your back.
Basically, I’m talking about selfish, lying, and full of shit bastards.
[***Sidenote: This is coming off as an angry rant. To the contrary (that's the second time I've used that word in this post), I have a smile on my face right now. I'm only speaking truth about people in general. This is aimed at nobody in particular nor was it inspired by any person (people) in particular. It's all general. It's based on life, situations, and conversations, that's all. However, if the shoe fits, dammit, it's yours. And if you chose to be offended, its you're choice so fuck you.***]
I’ve come to the conclusion that I have beef with people who are full of shit but refuse to own their shit. The same folks who will be quick to call everybody else on their own shit, yet refuse to look inwards. The same folks who will look you dead in your face and lie to you or try to make you feel bad for something that they caused or contributed too. The same muhfuckas who if given the chance, would Nino Brown your ass in court…AFTER telling you that they’d ride for you until the end.
My name is Panama, and I’m an asshole.
Now this fact might come as a surprise to you, but it was confirmed just a few weeks ago by a group of friends. I love these friends of mine. When asked who is the biggest asshole out of a group of folks that were present, I won unanimously. It was hard for some of them to do, but they came through in the clutch and nailed me. And I know exactly why in each of their cases.
***Coming soon…We The Voices…this week from JGT Enterprises***
So what did I do? I owned my assholishness. Accepted my award hands down. I’m not oblivous to the fact that I’ve done some assholish things in life. Hell, who hasn’t?? The difference lies in the fact that some people refuse to believe that they are indeed assholes, hence are full of shit. That is what draws my ire. You see, I genuinely feel bad when I screw folks over, if it comes to that. This also assumes the person being screwed over hasn’t put theirself into a position to be screwed over. At that point, all bets are off, especially if you create the situation in which you are about to get screwed over.
Stupid is, as stupid does, my momma always said.
This also assumes that you haven’t been forced into a situation where you HAVE to be an asshole because of the circumstances present. Believe you me, sometimes people place you in situations that are going to end bad no matter what you do…in that case, fuck it, you might as well make the best out of it.
I have a friend, and before either one of does something that will call our morality into question, we always consult with one another and ask one simple question:
“Are you okay with being a bad person?”
Usually the answer is “yes” but it usually doesn’t entail anything too bad either. It’s not like we are contemplating taking out the Pope, Michael Jackson, or Halle Berry, or anything. More often than not its along the lines of not calling somebody back or not going somewhere we said we’d be…something that’s harmless in the grand scheme of things but at the moment seems dire, like not being able to find a rest stop on the highway. Aside from the inside joke though, that question causes each of us to have to accept the fact that what we are doing could be interpreted in a less than angelic way. Basically, you have to accept your shit.
That’s the thing, none of us is perfect. We all make mistakes, however, most of the time we recognize when we are doing something less than stellar. Even in my assholishness, I recognize how my actions can be taken from all parties involved. Which is why when I was outed as being the biggest asshole by my friends (though apparently there is some dispute about my unanimous decision…frankly, I’m honored), I recognized it for what it was worth, smiled, and continued on with the proceedings. I’ve BEEN an asshole and refuse to run from it. I can’t blame others for my shit, nor would I want other people to allow me to look outside of myself for my fuckedupedness.
Well all have to look at ourselves first. If you are an asshole, recognize it. Own your assholishness. If it is causing problems, do something about it, and get your shit together. Hell, if it isn’t causing problems, hope that people don’t start to hate you because eventually, people will get tired of the asshole in you and it will cause problems.
And I think that is a big problem within the confines of many friendships, relationships, and families, in general. People make mistakes, but refuse to accept responsibility for their actions. Or they find reasons as to why they aren’t at fault. People have this fear of looking at themselves first because it will cause us to have to realize who we really are and how our actions affect other people, and basically realize that in truth, you aren’t such a great person. That’s probably the scariest thing in life to realize; you really aren’t shit, and it’s your own fault.
My name is Panama D. Jackson, and I’m an asshole. But I’ll never be confused for being a bad person, or a person that can’t be trusted because I’ll give my life for you if you need it. And everybody knows I will…but most importantly, I know I will.
Perception and reality are one and the same as far as I’m concerned…I don’t have to lie and I’m not afraid to look at myself in the mirror (mostly because I’m so damn sexxy). I can look in the mirror with ease.
Can you?