Sad Moments In Future Black History: Damn Damn Damn
I’ve done something recently that might call my credibility into question. Something so heinous, so reprehensible, and so ridiculously foul that I myself had trouble looking myself in the mirror this morning. I almost don’t know how to proceed from here but somehow I must. Sad, so so sad. My people, my people…
…I watched BET. And worse than that, I watched College Hill. Trust me, you cannot hate me anymore than I already hate myself.
Good Got DAMN!!! Never before has one show gone SO FAR to reinforce every possible stereotype that black folks are attempting to debunk everyday. Look, I’m not violent but I have violent thoughts when I watch this show. But then something strange happens. The violent yearnings start to wear off as I put the baseball bat down. I sit down and then something really eery happens. I start to feel like…
…a white person. (White people. Don’t worry, I’m not trying to get into the club, and its a really temporary thing. Lasts maybe…22 minutes!)
I start to feel like those white people I see on the subway watching the black kids on the subway. Or the white people watching TV and thinking that all black folks are a bunch of damn fools. Or the white people I see who become very sketchy whenever they become outnumbered by a group of black youths…anywhere. I start saying shit like, “holy shit, they REALLY do those things????” I find myself uttering under my breath countless times, “Niggas!”
And quite honestly, I don’t feel bad about it at all. Now, I don’t recommend watching this shit…at all. However, if you happen to come across it, take 10 minutes out of your life and experience what I’ve experienced. I know some of my peoples out there knowhutimtalkinbout!!!! Feel me????? Hi-five!?!?!?!?!!
*crickets and blank stares, crickets…and blank stares*
I see people either don’t know, don’t watch the show, or just don’t care about what goes on at College Hill. I guess I need to explain this.
College Hill is where they pick a black college campus (and fortunately not one with an actual credible reputation) and try to recreate the magic that occurs on MTV’s The Real World. Because people actually WATCH the Real World, we all know that they pick seven strangers to live in a house. Not on BET muhfuckas. On BET they pick eight stereotypes to live in the house and cast them. You have the Freak, the Baby Momma, the Pretty Boy, the Stuck Up Chick, the Athlete, the Player, etc. The worst shit is that I’m not making this up. On the previews for the show in early January, that is how they were advertising the show, based upon the stereotypes. Sad sad times are upon us.
But we can get past that right?? Stereotypes are just words!! Potentially, so let’s discuss what actually goes on during the course of one of these 30 minute exercises in affirmative action. And it matters not that its at an HBCU. Remember, I’m white right now! On last night’s episode, there was literally a 10 minute storyline segment based upon an argument between two of the housemates. No biggie right, arguments occur all the time. Hell, I got into an argument with a squirrel yesterday because the little bastard wouldn’t get off the sidewalk. True story?? Maybe, maybe not.
Anyway, what was this argument about??? Well apparently the two of them used to date and they were arguing about whether or not he tossed her salad. An entire 10 minutes was devoted to this. But wait…there’s more. (The fact that I think dude really did do it is a moot point, but his face told on him.) She was visibly hurt and moved to tears at his denial. TEARS!!!! His denial truly hurt her because apparently she only let’s men who love her toss her salad??? I hate to be a classist here…but can somebody forward me their report cards. STAT!! I need to see what’s really good here because if things like that are whats really important to her, well, I don’t think she’s gonna make it.
And Langston University, I’m also gonna need to see that accreditation report.
STAT!
On one episode, the group wanted to go to a club. One of the young ladies, The Holy Roller, didn’t want to go. In her past she was quite the heathen but she is currently on her walk with God. She doesn’t want to go to the club. I’ll let you guess what happens next!!!
Go ahead…take a stab at it!!!
*humming “Welcome To The Jungle” (remember I’m still white right now, thanks)*
They openly share their disdain with her and her walk with God and how its hampering their party time. Yes, only on College Hill does your relationship with God hinder the people!!! Only one…count’em, one, uno, einz, an, person actually stand up for her and say if she doesn’t want to go, then she doesn’t have to go. Everybody else was like, we’re a group and her religion is holding our group back. My people, my people…sad sad times. One guy even tells her to keep her religion away from him. Now look, I’m not a holy roller. I’m not the most religious cat in the world, like everybody else who doesn’t go to church, I’m “spiritual”. But I’ll be DAMNED (probably literally) before I make somebody feel bad for their relationship with God, or for their religion period. I might be going to Hell, but I REEFUSE to go to more than one Hell!!!
There’s even the one little funny black guy who’s dating a white chick. Now he might be like 5′1″…maybe. Yet he has the nerve to be the most arrogant asshole on the show. Now I have a strict code about this. Short people MUST BE NICE. I will not argue this point. He is not nice, so its hard for the people to like him!!! Coincidence??? I think not. THEN, he has the nerve to walk around naked. His girlfriend has beef with this. Does he care?? No. I’m sure he plans on cheating on his girlfriend, because when they did actually make it to the club, sans the Holy Roller, he was trying to pick up other chicks to bring them back to the house.
Scrrrrrrrrrrrrr, Stereotype Check (through the eyes of a white person): Liars, cheaters, over-sexxed, heathens, smart black guy dates a white woman, amoral, just plain ignorant, loud…I could really go on.
And for the record, Babyface and his wife, Tracey Edmonds, executive produce this show. That needed to be shared at somepoint. Mmkay?
Those are but a mere smattering of the goings on at College Hill. It isn’t lost on me that this show is sponsored by what can only be deemed the most ignant network on TV, BET. I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention that the film quality is WAY better than it was last season (and yes this means I watched last season…me and God have talked about this already thank you very much). It doesn’t look like your little cousin Bocephus filmed this with his karaoke machine. (Makes NO sense does it?)
However, it is still bad. Bad bad bad. A million times over bad. Honestly, if I meet a white person that ever says something so ridiculously ignorant that I have to say something, the first thing I’m going to do is say, “Have you seen College Hill?” If he or she says yes, I have to excuse their statement. I just have to. We are putting the ignorance out ourselves on our own stations. We gave it the validity by creating an actual program based on pure ignorance. They are in college, but its damn near glossed over altogether. The got one clip that showed one of the students in class, only to prove that he was smart. Ironically, its the dude with the white girlfriend.
There is not one redeeming quality about this show. It’s like a car wreck that you have to watch if you come across it, except this car wreck is a 100 car pileup…and all the cars were driven by children under the age of 2. And the most fucked up part of it is that it is filmed at a college. One of the places where we are supposed to be grown up, or at least growing up, and becoming the leaders that our parents expect us to be. Except…I’m just not sure it’s going to happen. If these are the odds that are stacked up against us…
…well, may God have mercy on our souls…well yours…
…remember, I’m still white right now!
Thank you BET for providing another sad moment in Black History!
***As a bonus here, check over at Dr. Strangejazz’s spot for an interesting segment he’s doing about America’s Most Dangerous Black People, ya know, in honor of Black History Month.***