Jackson G. Tickle Enterprises Presents…Panama’s Propositions

EDIT: LINKS TO PICTURES ADDED. WE WANT EAZY! WE WANT EAZY! SCROLL DOWN !!!!!!

[LENGTH ALERT!!! LENGTH ALERT!!!]

So apparently…I’m getting old. Now this little known fact might seem like common sense to any young whippersnapper frothy enough (I have no idea if that makes any sense, or even if frothy is a word) to read here. However, to most of my friends, we still act, look, and feel like those same crazy college kids who drank too much and took advantage of everything college had to offer which sometimes even included actual classtime. So how did I come to this conclusion??

Well, this weekend, three things occurred that brought this realization to mind. I went to Atlanta this weekend with a purpose. In fact, I had SO little free time, I forgot to go to sleep on Saturday night/Sunday morning rendering me incapable of even going to a Super Bowl Party. Either way…the three things that occured were: 1) we had a surprise party for my friend’s 26th birthday. EGADS! 26???? That’s REALLY almost 30; 2) we had a housewarming for my boy which means he has made a purchase that won’t depreciate with time unlike the cars, shoes, and hoes…er…video games, we purchase so much; and 3) that same homie that had the housewarming, threw an 80′s party!!!

Yes, an ’80′s party. As in 1980′s. Really, that decade doesn’t seem so far away, but honestly, 1989 was at least 15 years ago at this point.

Scary.

Waitaminute. You know what?? Well…no, you probably don’t. But apparently, there is some kind of mid-twenties affirmative action program. For the first time in my LIFE, I got into a club FREE…because I was 25 or over. Not just any club either, Club Visionz on Peachtree in Atlanta. Now THAT my friends is scary.

You like how that didn’t fit, flow, or even have much real relevance??? I thought you might.

Now though I’m getting old, I must admit, I’m still young enough where finding attire for the party seemed a bit strange to me. What in the hell was 80′s attire??? Well, at the party…I found out. And it’s only right that I share. But I just cannot do this in a normal fashion, somehow, it just wouldn’t feel right. So I figure that the best way to do this is tell you not how to HAVE a successful 80′s party, but what to look for to know that you HAD a successful 80′s party. Mmkay???

First things first, I’d like to give two special shoutouts. First to the homies, yes those same friends who ALWAYS get shouted out whenever I take trips. This trip was no different. Everybody was there to participate in more drunk fun and debauchery. Drunk fun is always best when you got people around who won’t let you get beat down in the club for being a complete ass, they’ll offer to beat you down themself (I know it ain’t grammatically correct and might not even exist as a word, but I like it)…or who will actually LOOK for one of the drunk asses who is celebrating her birthday and taking free drinks from everybody knowing full gotdamn well she can’t drink 3 Long Island’s THEN some other drinks. Friends, take two of those drinks from you and drink them for you…so you won’t hurl. Yes…true friends get drunk with you so you won’t be the only drunk ass!!! In the illustrious words of Patti LaBelle, “that’s what friends are fooooooooooooooor!”

And this second shoutout goes to that cashier in the Value Village on Metropolitan Parkway next to Run ‘n Shoot and the Flea Market who condescendingly gave me the Versace Store treatment, at Value Village. At Value Village, the customers are supposed to remove the hangers THEMSELVES…the cashiers don’t do such things…at Value Village. To my cashier, for you wonderful service and attitude…I simply MUST clear my throat for this one…

*clearing throat*

…Fuck you.

So without further ado…we here at JGT Enterprises are here to help you determine if you’re 80′s party is a success, which assumes you’d actually think to THROW an 80′s party. It is my thought that most folks don’t. Shoutouts to The Great for his foresight in realizing that 70′s parties are for old heads AKA people 30 and over.

*ducking tomatoes thrown by old fogeys*

COURTESY OF THE GREAT, PANAMA JACKSON PRESENTS…I Love The ’80′s ATL STYLE

1. Damn near everybody dresses up!

You’d think this would be common sense but we’re dealing with black folks here. And you know black folks are leery about looking like an asshole. And let’s face it, the 80′s were some jacked up times for fashion. Well, to counter this problem…my boy invited, yep, you guessed it…WHITE PEOPLE!!!! Yes, white people will dress up for any occasion it seems, and enjoy the hell out of their costumes and the party that required them to dress up. This made me realize that…

…my friends hang out with a lot of white people, because by my estimation, maybe 4 people didn’t dress up in some or fashion. We’re talking like a 99% success rate!!!! If you don’t match that…

…go kill yourself!

2. Stereotypically, the black men will come as rappers. (Or Fame Dancers!)

Strangely…at least 3 of the black dudes that were there, myself included, came as rappers. Two of the dudes were dressed as most rappers looked in the 80′s. Ya know, tight fighting running jackets, brass knuckles, a clock necklace, shades. Me…I was Eazy E. Hell, he’s one of my idols. I had on the all black ensemble with some black pants and a tight black t-shirt, two gold ropes, a Member’s Only jacket, some Air Force One’s actually tied correctly, some ‘locs (sunglasses, graduate), a jheri curl and a skull cap.

What can I say…We Want Eazy!!!

Eazy Duz It!

We Want Eazy!!

I’ve been toying around with putting a picture of myself up dressed up as Eazy E from like ’85 on here. We’ll see if it makes it. Of course, dressing up as Eazy E leaves itself open to ALL kinds of bad jokes…most of them from myself.

You see, I’m a slim fella. So when I removed my Member’s Only jacket revealing my damn near ultra tight black shirt and fat gold ropes, well, I transformed myself into Eazy E…with AIDS. Luckily I had my spray on AZT to keep my jheri curl moist.

Westside

*hanging head in sheer (get it…SHEER??? ya know, hair…sheer, oh wait..is that sheen??? Dammit.) disgust with myself*

HELL: 1,000,000 Panama: 0

And shout outs to my boy P for coming as a Fame Dancer, ripped shirt, tights, headband and all…and becoming a fame dancer and tearing up the dance floor.

I wasn’t prepared.

3. Stereotypically, the white women will all come dressed as variations of Madonna thru the 80′s.

Well…duh.

4. Relics of the 80′s will be found floating around the room.

Apparently, the host, my boy who amongst my immediate group is referred to as The Great for reasons that anybody born before1987 need not know, went to great lengths to make his party as 80′s as possible. There were Fruit Rollups everywhere, powdered candy, I swear I saw a My Little Pony (though I was kind of inebriated…well, a lot of inebriated), cassette tapes, and colored lighting. Hell, somebody even brought a Polaroid camera. One person even created one of those big ass cellphones that Zach Morris used to carry around. If I’m not mistaken, he was Zach Morris, and brought Kelly Kapowski with him…good times!!

5. Stereotypically, the black women will look like some variation of Madonna, Sheila E., Appollonia, and Salt ‘n Pepa.

Good googly moogly. The women were dressed so fly it didn’t even make any sense. Talk about representing!!! There were fishnet tights, ultra small skirts…hell fishnet tights UNDER ultrasmall skirts. There were gloves, there were slouch socks, there were boots, there were ripped jeans, there were every possible color that you forgot you existed, there was strange makeup, there was ripped shirts…basically there were tight ass clothes that made me a very happy camper.

And speaking of gloves…

6. Love and diversity is present!!

There were black chicks dressed as Madonna, a Mexican dude dressed up as a white dude from The Breakfast Club (who’s name escapes me) and a black dude dressed up as…

…Michael Jackson.

7. Your music playlist is authentic and doesn’t discriminate!!

I saw the playlist. Everything from Dexey’s Midnight Runners to Salt ‘n Pepa, to MC Hammer, to well, I was to drunk to remember most of the names. But I do know that when I saw the list, I realized that there were no stones unturned in creating a music list. Though I do have to say that…that NWA nor Eazy E made the list…and we all know that…

We Want Eazy!!!

Which reminds me…there was a lot of call and response type records which were huge during the 80′s which also created Soul Train lines…YES, we had a Soul Train line. And yes…somebody did the Robot.

8. Stereotypically, a white dude will come as Don Johnson.

The funny part of that is, a black dude did too, but had to become Philip Michael Thomas by default cuz we all know that Crockett was…white. And a white dude dressed as Crockett trumps a black dude!! So sad Tubbs…so sad.

As a bonus, one dude even came dressed as Marty McFly, which was cool because the host had Back To The Future playing on the front room TV!!

9. Nintendo!

Super Mario Brothers and Duck Hunt were the leading contenders for video games of the night. Ironically, me, dressed as Eazy seemed to be a natural shot. I mean I was kind of killer accurate with that gun. I even layed on the ground upside down once and was hitting them ducks with one shot every time. This AFTER drinking a bunch of drinks that I wasn’t familiar with.

Scary…

10. For the perv in you…TWISTER!!!

Well, knowing my friends, it just wouldn’t be right if everything was completely PG. Let’s just say that Twister is a fun game…ESPECIALLY after having had too much to drink. We sucked at it. Though I’m not even sure anybody was actually trying to win. We just wanted to touch each other.

I keed!!! I keed!!!

And 80′s clothes is very fun to play twister in. Ironic isn’t it that Eazy E was playing Twister with 4 different women???

What did he die of again??? I keep forgetting…

We Want Eazy!!!!

11. The host looks like Gumby, Prince, and Boy George all mixed into one!!

Ummm…

And last but not least…

12. Somebody, during the course of the night yells out, I LOVE the 80′s!!!

And why is this a great moment in black history???

Because my boy threw the party (he’s black) and Michael Jackson, Eazy-E, and a Fame Dancer showed up!!! I don’t care what you say…that’s a GREAT moment in Black History!

Good Times!! No wait, that was the ’70′s…

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