(flyer created by Jen of The.Damn.Diva.)
*DJ Vanderbilt cueing up Jay-Z’s “Ignorant Shit”*
Hello everybody, this is Branson Calhoun welcoming you all to our fifth and final day of the JGT Enterprises First Annual Michael Jackson/Condoleeza Rice Commemorative Most Ignant Black Person in America 2004 Pageant. We’ve had a great run here over the past few days shining a light on those ignant muhfuckas who made 2004, and life in general worse for black people everywhere. I’d like to send a special thank you to R. Kelly, Alan Keyes, Nelly, and Ray Benzino. Thank you all for being the true dickheads that you are and that we know you could be!!!!
*applause*
(Just In Case You Missed It: Day 1: R. Kelly, Day 2: Alan Keyes, Day 3: Nelly, Day 4: Ray Benzino)
And one last time, I’d like to thank our panel of experts for their hardwork and dedication and outing these bitches as the fuckboys that they are!!! Here’s hoping 2005 doesn’t live up to the standards these muhfuckas have set!!!! Thank you once again!!
*applause*
Make sure you take a few minutes out of your day today to go to our poll (to the left) and cast your vote for the Most Ignant Black Person of 2004. Voting is completely confidential so R. Kelly won’t be pissed (pun intended) at you if vote for him. Come one come all, be you black, white, brown, for ignance knows no color!!! Vote as many times as you’d like and make your voice heard!!! Let’s not make any mistakes like we did in November 2004!!!! VOTE OR DIE BITCH!!!!
VOTE OR DIE!!!
And who is our final nominee for the Most Ignant Black Person in 2004??? Well it’s none other than BET’s (one of our sponsors) own founder and Chairman:
Robert “Bob” Johnson
See also: majority owner of the Charlotte Bobcats. Let’s have a round of applause for the man who is responsible for the creation of this here pageant!!!
*applause*
What brought Bob Johnson into the fold of this pageant???? None other than his response to the Eminem video “Just Lose It”. It was written about here: Man In The Mirror.
Bob Johnson needs no real introduction as the only words that need to be said to explain who he is are: BET: Uncut. Bob Johnson created a monster in Black entertainment and has also presided over its downfall to the point where we, or those that ACTUALLY still watch BET, are subjected to shows such as College Hill, 106&Park, Arabesque Films, BET Nightly News (which is always a day late and a dollar short), and hell any other shows on this network. Sometimes you just have to wonder how many BET employees hate their lives…all thanks to Bob Johnson.
It seems only fitting that the final day of our pageant be dedicated to the one man who has done absolutely nothing for black people lately (since in its early days, it was better) yet has the potential to do the most with his access to homes across the world.
Without further ado…experts????
KillaCal’s take on Mr. BET:
Well in some ways I can’t be mad at him. He’s the most prominant example of a sell-out nowadays, but he’s not the first and he won’t be the last. Let’s face it, BET wasn’t exactly a pillar of excellence when he owned it, he just completed the downward spiral by selling it to Viacom. To me his worst aspects are being explored now with his new NBA franchise. 
It’s not just that they have the worst possible nickname for a sports team (I mean really….who admires/is
fearful of/even cares about Bobcats….Bobcats are like a step above Garfield and friends….he might as well have named them the Heathcliff’s). It’s not just that they have uniforms that are a step above high school in design. But when he went into business with Nelly? I mean honestly…..*sigh*….in what way can that be spun into something positive?
BlackMartha’s take on Black History:
I can’t lie, BET is great in theory. It started out small back in 1981 and the man worked wonders on the joint, taking it from a few hours a day to a full fledged network. However, it seems like BET will forever be the Little Network That Couldn’t, because it hasn’t reached its full potential. Why? Because Ingoramous Numero Uno decided to cash his chips in early.
I’m disappointed in Bob. I believe there should be a place where Black media professionals can work and do for themselves, but not like this. BET is like the projects of TV Land. The projects ain’t so bad, but it’s not always where you want, need, or should be.
We all know the arguement that Uncut is disgraceful to women. In some ways I agree, but the whole damn network is pretty disgraceful to women (and Black people). My main beef with Uncut is it’s horrible production. The videos are just half-assed, no-quality, homemade soft.
pornos. And the music is bad to boot. Dude, “WHITE GIRLS?” I hated that video. The only track I liked that appeared on Uncut was one of them N.E.R.D. songs. Everything else was trash. It’s just sad. Every time I watched Uncut (I only watched for analysis–I was a Media major after all!), I just kept asking myself “people PAY to put this shit on the air!?” It offends me because I desire to work in the media industry. I’ll have to go to work everyday with El Whitey, who will probably assume I’m down for the ‘Uncut’ Cause. Thanks Uncle Bob.
The straw that broke the camel’s back was when he pulled Eminem’s video in order to save the victim of the year: Michael Jackson. Bob’s reasoning: “BET pulled the video because we feel it is inappropriate to use our network to air a video disparaging Michael’s character, or that
of any other celebrity.” Ain’t this some shit?? We don’t want Mike to look bad (as if he needed help), but ALL OF BLACK AMERICA can look bad, all day every day (except on Sundays when they got to pay the bills with all them gotdamn infomercials)?? When’s the last time Mike Jackson was actually Black, anyway??? Get your priorities in order.
Jen AKA The.Damn.Diva’s take on The Founder:
Well I for one have nothing bad to say about Robert Johnson. How could anyone have anything bad to say about the man that brought us BET UnCut and Sunday morning church back to back every week? Dammit, that man devoted Saturday night programming to giving us something to repent for on Sundays. And I for one am thankful. Praise God?ƒ?I meant Bob.
Not only that, when our esteemed brother Wacko Jacko was in danger of being outted by Rap?ƒ¥s Angry White Boy, Mr. Johnson made sure to replay Nelly?ƒ¥s ?ƒ?Tip Drill?ƒ? video over and over, leaving no time to air that despicable video condemning an innocent man. Butt cracks ?ƒ¨ appropriate. Satirical videos ?ƒ¨ unacceptable. That?ƒ¥s Black Entertainment for you.
Thanks, Bob.
Raven’s take on Mr. Uncut:
Bob Johnson. I don’t have a whole lotta beef with Bob (much to your chagrin, I’m sure). I do find him rather coonish but I don’t think he’s guilty of much more than exploiting black people for pay. And let’s face it, there are more than enough people doing that for free. I’m just glad he was smart enough to get paid for it. I’m not a BET viewer so again, his ignorance is owed mostly in part to the little people we shouted out up top.
Panama’s take on Mr. 106&Park:
I’d like to say thank you, Bob Johnson. Thank you for letting Donnie Simpson and Sherry Carter go. Thank you for getting rid of El Capitane. Thank you for ending Video Soul. Thank you for ending Teen Summit as we all know that nowadays teens have it all figured it out and don’t need any help or guidance. Thank you for removing most non-video related programming. Thank you for Comicview re-runs OVER AND OVER again. Thank you for BET: Uncut and thank you for not feeling obligated to listen to the cries of women everywhere that they were being exploited, as we all know that women have no say so at the table anyway, so fuck’em. Thank you for realizing that. Thank you for AJ and Free, for where else would we get two people so horribly suited to host a show that only 13-15 year old’s watch the show rendering grown people helpless to the numerous consecutive days of B2K or Bow-Wow as the number one video in all of Blackland.
Thank you for listening to Michael Jackson and his upsettedness over the Eminem “Just Lose It” video, for it was distasteful…even moreso than ANY video that you could possibly run on BET:Uncut. Thank you for Tiffany because without you she would have no job. Thank you for more video countdowns and re-runs of the weeks video countdowns on Saturday and thank you for Jesus and gospel videos and programming on Sunday. Thank you for infomercials on Sunday afternoon as we all know black entertainment stops after church. I guess its cuz we eat and are tired. Thank you for all the News thats fit to air on TV. Thank you for College Hill and an extra special REAL thanks you for never bringing it to a school like Morehouse, Spelman, or Howard; schools I hold near and dear to my heart and for not attempting to tarnish their reputations further reducing enrollment.
Thank you for the L-bow Room, which needs NO discussion. Thank you for Live from LA. Thank you for Rachel who clearly wasn’t even from any island but probably from Cleveland and had to fake an accent. Thank you for being one of the only gotdamn networks to run those fucked up ads for Jamster.com’s ringtones to include, “Where My Baby Daddy at?? Where he be???” Thanks for running those great McDonald’s commercials that proved that speaking ebonically DOES have a purpose on TV.
All in all, Bob, thanks for doing what is needed in the black community, providing another reason for black folks not to use black products!!! Thank you, Bob, for BET!!!
Thank you!
Thank you to the panel of experts and their devotion to this pageant. Thanks for audience and all those who got something from this pageant. Thank you to our sponsors. Thank you most to the nominees who decided to make 2004 a year to remember!!!! Make sure that you show your support and belief in these contestants by casting your vote for the Most Ignant….
We here at Jackson G. Tickle Enterprises would like to just give an extra special thanks out to everybody who stops by to hear our rants and raves and who have made this year a special one!! Thank you from Panama Jackson, CEO, COO, and all around HNIC AKA HMFIC.
This is Branson Calhoun signing off.
Thank you and Good Night!
VOTE OR DIE, BITCH!
[Check back on Tuesday for the Press Conference and Coup de Grace, as we crown 2004's Most Ignant Black Person! And why not Monday you ask??? In honor of Morehouse College's most famous alumni, my black ass will be taking some time and reflecting on the legacy and dream of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Basically, I work for the government, and we get the day off. And if you don't, take it off!!! See you Tuesday!]