(flyer created by Jen of The.Damn.Diva)
*DJ Vanderbilt cueing Jay’Z's “Ignorant Shit”*
Hi, this is Branson Calhoun and I’d like to welcome you all to Day 4 of our pageant to determine the Most Ignant Bastard, er, I mean Person of 2004 in the Black Community. We are almost to the final day of the pageant where YOU, yes YOU, the public, cast your votes to determine our winner. Thanks for keeping up thus far. We really appreciate it!!!
*applause*
I must say, our nominees (R. Kelly, Alan Keyes, Nelly) are doing a stand up job of providing all the necessary firepower to determine who is indeed the most ignant. And I must say, they are all fine contenders!!!!!! Especially that Alan Keyes, he really knows how to be a dickhead. I mean Jesus??? He brought in Jesus??? Good googly moogly. Either way, thank you to the nominees!!!
*applause*
(Just In Case You Missed It: See Day 1: R. Kelly, Day 2: Alan Keyes, Day 3: Nelly)
And once more, let us extend a round of applause to our excellent panelists who have found a way to be here to share their thoughts on our contestants. Thank you all!!! Especially that Raven. Grrrrrrrrrrrr!
*applause*
And while I have your attention…DANDELIONS IN THE PARKING GARAGE! Coming
Soon!!
(Can somebody tell me why there are dandelions in the parking garage????)
Ladies and Gentlemen, today’s nominee takes dickheadedness to a whole new level. This individual has decided that Eminem is raping black culture and making money on the backs of black rappers and society, all the while his business partner running the Source magazine is a white guy. Yes, a real white guy. We here at JGT think that race matters not, for we are an equal opportunity employer, however, if you are going to pull the race card, its better if you don’t go to the office next door to visit with your partner, a white man, who is subsequently benefitting from black culture…just like Eminem.
Our nominee today is none other than:
(IGNORANCE HAS A UNIFORM!!! AND HE WEARS IT PROUDLY!!!)
Raymond “Benzino” Scott
Who is Benzino you ask?? He is a rapper/magazine owner from Boston. In late 2003/2004, he waged war against Eminem, claiming that Em has been raping black culture and music for personal gain all the while not giving a shit about the artform or music he was taking advantage of and was only successful because he was white. He claimed that Em was part of the machine that held black rappers back but placed him up high because he was indeed white. This is the same man who used his own magazine, The Source, to promote his own acts even going so far as to give excellent album reviews to shitty albums for groups he was promoting, and overly promoting these albums with humungous 4 page spreads, though apparently it fooled no one because his albums have yet to sell gold…COMBINED. He has consistently compromised the integrity of the magazine by using the magazine for personal gain, while not admitting he was doing so. In essence, he has been a hoe. Now this is not a hoe in the sense of having a pussy, but a pussy having no gotdamn sense…
Benzino also this year took the side of Robert “Bob” Johnson and some others in the black community about not playing Eminem’s video “Just Lose It” because of the distasteful way it portrayed Michael Jackson. He joined forces with Michael Jackson and called for Eminem’s head. Yes, the same Michael Jackson that EVERYBODY has mocked and made fun of in the past (and for whom this award is named after). Yes, that one. He claimed that Em has no respect for the black community and provided America with tapes of a younger (though that is no excuse) Eminem using the word “nigger” and making disparaging comments about black women. Benzino then proceeded to make music that included disparaging comments about black women. Basically, Raymond Benzino is a black man with a vendetta and no gotdamn sense. Fuck him…
Let us find out what our panel of experts has to say about this Benzino character…let’s have a listen!!!
Jen AKA The.Damn.Diva’s take on the bastard:
Ya know, I don?Ĵt think Ray Benzino gets enough credit. While he is indeed a complete ignoramus, you have to look at his power. The man has single-handedly ruined the credibility of a formerly well-respected album review rating system. 5 mics? Pffft. Who really knows what that means in these times of Dooky Journalism. 5 mics could mean you had a genuinely
great album? Or it could mean you gave Benzino great brain. 1 mic could mean your
album was a piece of shit. Or it could mean you pissed off Beninzo?Ĵs cousin?Ĵs sister?Ĵs nephew?Ĵs neighbor?Ĵs baby daddy.
But hey, we shouldn?Ĵt be mad, Benzino?Ĵs trying to save rap from the clutches of the Evil White Rapper. He?Ĵs on our side, we females should be especially grateful for his chivalrous efforts to change the way men refer to black women. He has made it clear to everyone that it is only okay for Black men to call us bitches and hoes. Maybe a Spaniard here and there, but that?Ĵs where we draw the line.
I feel better about myself every day.
Raven’s take on the Black Savior from the Evil White Rapper:
Benzino. Ehhh, he doesn’t really bleep on my radar. He could be deemed ignorant based solely on that fact. He’s not cute though so that definitely puts him in the running.
KillaCal’s take on The Source of fuckedupedness in black music journalism:
The Sauce hasn’t been shit for some years, that’s the God’s honest truth. Made Men has had more print ads in the back pages of the Sauce than total albums sold. Benzino is Young MC with media connections, proof positive that all the advertising and journalistic bribery in the world can’t get you acceptance.
Panama’s take on, hell, I hate him:
Man, I’ve never seen somebody not go away like he won’t. I mean, everybody basically hates him and he STILL believes in his cause. That’s ignorance if I’ve ever seen it. Though his magazine has lost more advertising dollars than Enron, he STILL thinks that finding a way to attack Eminem, and now everything Em is attached too, is a good idea. Further attaching himself to Ja Rule and now, MICHEAL JACKSON, its like his ignance just builds steam. I mean I can understand being salty at the fact that no matter what you do, you can’t sell records, so going at the top man kind of makes sense. It’s just a damn shame that no matter how much work he puts in to becoming somebody, nobody but his momma cares, and I’m only assuming there. He decided that putting out a press release saying that Eminem has constantly disrespected the Black Community with his music, antics, and videos and saying that we should all join sides against Eminem, was a good idea, but in reality was just fuckin’ stupid. Losing the lyrical battle was bad enough…but giving yourself a Hip-Hop Quotable for a verse my 4 year old niece could write was just downright shameful you dick.
I swear, somebody needs to save him from himself before he writes the Source right out of existence. Nobody cares about them anymore ANYWAY but shit, at least they were providing folks with jobs…now his ignance is about to contribute to the black unemployment rate, just as his music career has…cuz his whole staff HAD to be fired for his lackluster ass music. Fuckin’ Benzino, go pick on Britney Spears, at least you could win that battle lyrically. She’d roast your ass musically though…pussy ass muhfucka.
Thank you.
Creep with us for the final day of our pageant!! Tomorrow’s candidate, another personal favorite, the one, the only: Robert “Bob” Johnson of BET!!! You think you know, but you have no idea…how ignant one man can be over time!!! Tune in tomorrow!!!
January 14, 2005! VOTE OR DIE, BITCH!!!!!!