In the black community, there seems to be an unwritten list of things that black folks just don’t do. In fact, the clearest way to know what’s on this list is to listen closely, because whenever one of these things black folks doesn’t do gets mentioned, it’s followed by…
…”that’s some shit white folks would do.”
It’s really that simple. Wait, you want some examples?? Well, I have some time…let’s see. Aha, black folks don’t usually go parachuting. We pretty much suck at it for starters. Hell, the last time we did that we ended up landing in trees, dangling for sheer life. Shucks, we fucked around and hung ourselves! It seems we were really bad at parachuting in the late 1800’s and early 1900’s.
Wait, wait, wait. You’re saying planes weren’t around then??? Amazing…I guess we just don’t like the idea of freefalling towards ground. Might fuck up somebody’s hairdo or something.
Another examples is sailing. You’d think this would be something black folks would want to do seeing as how the last time we let somebody else steer the boats back in the 1600’s, we ended up working our asses off for the next 300 some odd years. But nope, we’d rather just get on the boat and see where we end up. Either way, those are two things that black folks just don’t do and are hencewise considered to be “white shit.”
Well, recently, something else that was commonly considered to be white shit has happened at the hands of a black man. This one is even more astounding however considering the great magnitude and the potential repercussions. I mean, this was some real shit that stopped me dead in my tracks…and I’m not talking about the Washington area sniper either (no pun intended).
It seems a black man…
Hold on. This is hard for me.
(*pause for the cause*)
It seems that a grown ass black man…is willing to give up $8.6 million…TO SMOKE WEED!!!! Ricky “muhfuckin” Williams of the Miami Dolphins said fuck you to the NFL, I’m not giving up weed.
I think I need a minute.
(*moment of silence for death of common sense*)
Somebody please help me out here. I have never smoked weed before. I know, shocking. Not even in college when I lived next door to Atlanta’s finest crackhouse, where drugs of all kind were in great supply. But I resisted. But seriously, the fact that a black man could logically determine that damn near $9 million isn’t enough to stop him from smoking weed has convinced me that…
…I need to give weed a try. Anything that will make a dude PAY BACK that much money and tell the NFL that he won’t run a ball back and forth up and down a field for MILLIONS a year has to be some good shit. They say everybody has their price. A million dollars isn’t enough to convince him to give weed a rest. So to that I say…
…Ricky, PASS THAT SHIT.
Let’s think about this for a second shall we??? This has implications further than anybody has ever imagined. Most people saw Chappelle’s Show’s Reparations Skit and how a basketball game between Philly and NJ ended up having two white boys going head to head. This is a potential reality behind this shit. Whatever Ricky is smoking, which just HAS to be that REAL STICKY ICKY ICKY was enough to convince him to say fuck it to the NFL. Imagine if the NBA players got ahold of this weed!! Could they stop themselves??? This might be that real deal. The one thing that could singlehandedly bring down the NBA, NFL, MLB…scratch that, baseball has been running black folks away for years.
Imagine if more NFL players got ahold of this good Ricky. They’d be held powerless. All of the skill positions like running backs and wide receivers would quit. Essentially, all of sports leagues would turn back white, which means…
Starbucks is in on this shit!
(See the Starbucks files Here: Part I, Part II, Part III)
Think about that. They have effectively found a way to take the one thing that makes black folks a ridiculous amount of money. Sports. And you know once sports starts get on it, next is the rappers. Then the thugged out R & B singers…then finally our veterans in the entertainment game.
We might lose it all because Ricky Williams found that shit that was so good he’d be willing to give up his livelihood to smoke. His livelihood!!!!! He blatantly said that he is not going to stop smoking to the NFL. If he smokes, he doesn’t play. And what with all of the testing they are about to start imposing on players of all sports, this could be the end of the world as we know it.
And its all because Starbucks concocted that real deal and found a way to exploit a man’s weakness. They have us GIVING up our millions.
Apparently, I digressed.
But I’m scared. What weed is so good that it could convince a man to give up $9 million dollars that is already in his bank account, and any future earnings? What would happen if us mere mortals were to happen upon this batch of Chronic??
And further more, what in the hell was he thinking to say that smoking weed was so important that forfeiting $9 million makes sense??? That’s a slap in the face to broke black folks who smoke weed everyday. You know why??? Cuz their shit isn’t that good where they’d give up their job. Ricky…oh Ricky…you’re keeping the good shit to yourself. And that’s not fair. But further than everything…
…Ricky, according to the New and Improved Black Codes…
…that’s some shit white folks would do.