Sleeveless Turtleneck-The Power of Woman
[***Matter of Factedness: I REFUSE to speak about the Vibe Awards from last night. To speak of it would acknowledge its existence, which is wrong and punishable by repeated viewings of Ashanti's performance or Tyra's hair. As far as im concerned, it never happened. NEVER HAPPENED! DO YOU HEAR ME???? Just in case it did though, I'm following his lead, and becoming Hispanic...I've been confused for Dominican before anyway. From here on out, I'm not only Panama, I'm full fledge Panamanian.***]
Woman.
She is woman, hear her roar. She is phenomonal. She can drop it like its hot. She can cook it, and make it hot. She can cause society to fall. She can re-start it after she destroys it. She has all the power, even if she doesn’t realize it. She is…
…woman.
Women are amazing creatures. Of all the living beings on this planet, woman is the most powerful and conflicted forces to be reckoned with. And nowhere is this more apparent than woman’s affect on man. Oh yes, her effect is omnipresent (always there, graduate). Sometimes good, sometimes bad…but it’s always there. This is the power of woman over man. And nowhere…one more time, NOWHERE, is this fact more evident than in the case of one…
…Erykah Badu.
Got damn. This woman singlehandedly created Andre 3000 and destroyed Common Sense. What’s really funny is, I’ve heard many a people discuss her effect, but nobody has done extensive research into her mystic powers. Until now. Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you…
What Happened to That Boy: The Erykah Badu Factor on Mankind
Erykah Badu is woman. In one package, she managed to be southern, ghetto, deep, cute, gorgeous, fun, arrogant, humble, interesting, a singer, gangster, and loving. (How do I know all that? I don’t. That’s the beauty of opinion.) So it’s easy to see how any man would fall into her web. Hell, I myself have had a crush on her for something like 6 years now. It’s nothing like my crush on Christina Milian, but a crush nonetheless. She is every woman. That chick who seems like she’d ride for you when you needed her too, and simultaneously put on a good show for your mother.
She’s that chick that will open your mind, and have you looking at things you never even paid attention too. She can take you from being an inner city pimp prospect to a turbin wearing bass player. Or she can take you from being a Southside Chicago hustler to wearing a sleeveless turtleneck. She is that powerful.
She is woman.
And what is this power that Erykah Badu has?? How do we know it exists? We have two case studies: Andre 3000 and Common. They live so we may learn of her power. The power to bring out the best in somebody, and confuse the living shit out of another. The ability to point somebody in the right direction, and watch as somebody else drives himself off a cliff in a Hummer with cement wheels loaded down with 500 pound weights. She has the ability to expand the minds of men, resulting in one person taking what he has learned and becoming comfortable in his own skin and taking the world by storm, and another person really having no idea what to do because he himself is confused and wondering what to do with his newfound knowledge so he starts wearing sleeveless turtlenecks,and for some reason nobody will embrace him, except for his grandmother.
Her power is the sleeveless turtleneck. It confuses some and makes so much sense to others. It’s like Nirvana lyrics.
[***Sidenote: In theory, there is nothing wrong with a sleeveless turtleneck...if you are a woman or from Europe. However, as a grown ass black man from the Southside of Chicago, it is wrong, in the truest sense of the word wrong. And for those like, when did he wear a sleeveless turtleneck, it was in the video for the "Ghetto Heaven" remix featuring Macy Gray, where he is dancing on stars and planets. For the record, gangsters don't dance they boogie. He was dancing.***]
She is woman.
And what has her power, her Baduizm, done to Andre 3000 and Common?
Andre 3000. Glory Day. Dre is player. Dre is pimp. Southernplayalisticcadillacmusick. Dre raps about pimping and not claiming kids. Dre meets Erykah. ATLiens. Dre becomes alien and wears turbins and army gear. Dre reads more then gets off on the 13th floor. Then he realizes that there wasn’t one, they said it skips from twelve to fourteen. Stops smoking. Stops drinking. Becomes vegan. Aquemini. Classic. Spoottieootiedopalicious. Big Boi steps up. Leg warmers. Football pads. Blonde wig. Stankonia. Bombs Over Baghdad. Jimi Hendrix. Tight clothes. Ascots. Tighter, more insightful lryics. Sorry Ms. Jackson. Long break. The Love Below. Amazing. Prototype. Roses. Hey Ya! Ascot to match your socks what’s in your Speakerboxx…pink and blue. Grammy. Album of the Year. Successful. Comfortable in his skin.
She is woman. Dre, Erykah would like to introduce you to Andre 3000. ATLien…you are home.
Theeeeeeeen, there’s this other cat.
Common. Holy shit. This nigga right here. Chicago hustler. Can I borrow a dollar? No. Fuck you. Tell it like it is. Truth teller. Ghetto commentary. Niggas aint listening. Resurrection. Classic. I Used to Lover H.E.R. Insightful. Thinking man’s hustler. Don’t get it? One Day It’ll All Make Sense. Growth. Confusing. Hardcore. Caring. Sell records. Lauryn Hill. Still can’t sell records. Pissed. Meets Erykah. Reads more. Develops Sixth Sense. Like Water For Chocolate. Huh? Style chanages. Scarves. Kufis with flowers on them. The Light. Sleeveless turtlenecks. Macy Gray??? Confused album. Nowhere to turn. Turns to Erykah. Goes pussy. Jimi Hendrix. And more confused. Electric Circus. Wants to be Dre. Dre is no longer. Dre is Andre 3000. Can’t be Dre. Electric Circus. Hot Mess. Electric Circus. Bad idea. Fan base lost.
She is woman. Common Sense, Erykah would like to introduce you to a Confused Man named Common.
Nigga, what’s wrong with you?
He went from wearing Rockports and Windsuits and baseball caps to derbies and kufis and SLEEVELESS turtlenecks. Dammit…WHO THE FUCK WEARS A SLEEVELESS TURTLENECK? That has to be the most confusing shit to ever see, right? Is it hot or cold? Now that you got your neck covered, how are you arms, huh, dunny??? Why wasn’t his stylist shot because of this? Pac got shot, Biggie got shot…but no, his stylist lives. Somethings just aren’t fair are they? And I’m giving him credit by saying he had a stylist. If he doesn’t…well, may God have mercy on his soul.
All because of Erykah “My Eyes Are Green” Badu.
Erykah Badu turned Andre 300o into the sex symbol, best dressed, album of the year creator that he is now. Andre 3000 is now so cool, he can walk onto a stage to accept an award, throw up a piece sign and walk off and it be the best acceptance speech ever given. Common? No awards. In fact he is more bitter now than ever before. He is the bitter man’s rapper. Complaining that he never got his respect or his due. A talented rapper that never caught on, and even fell off somewhat. Fuck that, fell of a lot-what. Erykah Badu’s presence and power to just “be” changed both of these men’s lives forever.
Her power is not just reserved for her either. Her power is every woman’s power. Erykah Badu could be any woman. The power to change the course of history, the power to cause a man to become more than he imagined, or become a shell of himself without ever doing more than being herself. All women have this ability. Some just do not know it. Erykah Badu knows. Erykah Badu is power.
She made a grown ass black man wear a sleeveless turtleneck.
She is woman.
I truly enjoyed this post and knew EXACTLY where you were going w/ the sleeveless turtle neck. Erykah needs to bottle and sell that stuff she’s got ’cause it’s potent!