I’m fed up. I’m annoyed. I’m bothered. And worse than all of those…
…I’m worried.
We have a problem in the black community. Well, we have ANOTHER problem in the black community anyway. And its a double-edged sword kind of problem.
Nothing shocks or surprises us anymore in our neighborhoods.
And that pisses me off. But before I get to all of that…let me explain to you what caused this gradually building up pissedoffedness.
I live in a fringe community. What’s that you ask? Well, I basically live on the Maryland side of Eastern Avenue, NE, which is the border between Washington, DC, and the State of Maryland. So I live on the outer fringe of DC. This means two things. It means for one, that I live in the suburbs, and two, that the term suburb is HIGHLY overrated. So overrated in fact, that my neighborhood doesn’t even really get the privilege of being called a suburb…we call it DC Extended.
Why do we call it DC Extended? Well, because my neighborhood likes to substitue itself as the hood on many occasions. Just basically to demonstrate what I mean, I’m going to give you some scenarios…this is in no way meant to signal that I live in the ghetto. It is actually a nice looking community on both sides of the DC line, but really, its just damn hood.
Since moving into this community a little bit over 3 years ago the following things have occurred (and solely based upon my memory):
- at least 10 murders have occurred, with the most recent happening in my apartment complex…by being burnt to death on purpose,
- my roommates car has been stolen from our parking lot,
- any number of cars have been broken into…in my parking lot,
- at least one ambulance, police car, and fire truck will come barrelling down the main street (which I live on) a week…actually like every two to three days,
- one of my boys came sprinting into my apartment one day because a barrage of gunshots were coming from my street’s random hoodlums,
- the 7-11 right up the block has been robbed at least once,
- the 7-11 up the block in the other direction has been robbed at least once,
- another friend of mine’s next door neighbor had his tires/rims stolen off of his car, and
- in my apartment building as well as all the other apartment buildings in my neighborhood, there are signs that sporadically show up reminding you that crime in your neighborhood is rising.
This is by no means an exhaustive list of things that have happened. And honestly, it isn’t what annoys me either. I’m not annoyed at all the shit that happens in my neighborhood…
…I’m pissed and annoyed that it doesn’t phase me at all. I’m pissed that I have come to expect that shit out of my own community. I’m pissed that I can sleep at night and not think twice about anything that happens, because…its just what happens when you live where I live.
And that’s the problem we face in our communities everyday. It’s like we have to learn to be desensitized to the drama and bullshit so much that when something happens to us, you are somewhat immune to it. You take that shit as fact and when other people tell you its crazy and are worried about you and your situation, you just say…
…that’s life.
You know what…that shit isn’t life. It’s fucked up actually. I work with a bunch of white people who live in nicer neighborhoods, and it always shocks me that they are genuinely surprised at the things I tell them that I’ve seen in my life, or the things that happen in my neighborhood, and at first I didn’t get it. I’m like, why is this so shocking? It happens to everybody right?? And you know what, one day it dawned on me…THAT SHIT ISN’T NORMAL! At least it shouldn’t be. Nobody should be so used to gunshots that you know to automatically duck down until it stops and then go back to playing playstation. Nobody should have too…
And yet, I’m able to brush that shit off and go to sleep easily. When my roomate told me his car was stolen, I felt bad for him, but I wasn’t surprised…hell, I look outside every so often just to make sure my car is still there. In fact, I honestly HALF expect to go outside one day and my car won’t be there. I won’t be shocked, or even mad…I’ll be like, yep, sooner or later that was going to happen.
That’s a mentality that is plaguing our communities all over. And it shouldn’t have to be that way. I’m glad I have some hood sense about me. When you live in neighborhoods that some call Kosovo or Beirut, you tend to learn how to deal. In fact, you tend to think nothing of your surroundings as long as you pay attention and know what to look for. But shit, I’m getting tired of overanalyzing every person that walks by me. I don’t want to have to analyze strategies in my mind on how to avoid being robbed strictly depending on which hand this fool puts in his pocket. I mean, I’m glad I’m good at strategizing, but I’m not getting PAID for that knowledge.
You see where I’m going with this? I want to be genuinely fuckin’ shook when somebody gets murdered next door to me. When somebody gets shot on my backporch…I don’t want to be like, that nigga had it coming (actually has happened). I want to be nervous because that shit just doesn’t happen where I live. When you read these news stories about bad things happening in good neighborhoods, especially white neighborhoods, the people lose their minds, lock their doors, put their kids in front of the television for months, and start neighborhood watch programs. When bad shit happens in bad neighborhoods…
…life goes on.
The next day. People just say it’s a shame and move on.
I’m fuckin’ fed up. I want to be surprised when something goes down. I want to honestly be fuckin’ shook up when my car gets stolen. I don’t want to be able to laugh about that shit and come up with the scenario that was used to jack my car. I want the people in my neighborhood to say, I can’t believe that happened…not, “you hear about that shit that happened. Damn shame what happened to Publisha…she had that shit coming though.”
Is it so much to ask to not have to PLAN on crime happening? And granted, some shit I wasn’t expecting has occurred, like my whole tire being taken off my car, bolts and all. And you know what, I wasn’t even mad. Well, except that they took my bolts because I couldn’t put the spare tire on…but other than that, I just laughed about it, was like that’s life. No surprise, no nervous, no worries…
I don’t think that shit will happen to somebody else. You know why, because we’re all somebody else…to somebody else. Because of that, I think it will happen to me sooner or later. And I won’t even be surprised. How can I be, I’m used to it. And that bothers me. A lot.
So…just once, I want to be surprised.
Just got damn once.