This is going to sound strange…so prepare yourself. In fact…I’m not sure you can prepare yourself, but I have something I need to get off my chest.
I want the rainbow back.
Whew! I feel so much better now. Wait…what do I mean?? You mean you honestly have no idea what I’m talking about??
You see, the rainbow is under siege and has been for quite some time now. The gay and lesbian community has taken the rainbow and now I can’t put up a rainbow air-freshner in my car without being approached by a 6’2″ black dude that my sister would want to talk to telling me I’m cute and shit. Actually, that isn’t true at all…but you get the point. Nowadays…
…rainbow equals gay.
[***DISCLAIMER: Ahhh...another disclaimer. Okay. I'm not homophobic, nor do I have any problem whatsoever with gay men or lesbian women...or hell even transvestites...shit, be yourself is what I say. I don't think its wrong and I don't judge. Basically, I don't pay it much mind. I just want to get that out the way up front before I get bombarded about being anti-gay forcing GLAAD to send me a cease and desist letter further forcing me to have to do a song with Elton John JUST to get people the hell off my back...sheesh! And for those that still choose to be offended...well, kiss my ass! No really...***]
Just to be safe…please read that disclaimer (up there) one more time.
Really, it’s just not fair. Every organization or group has manufactured their own symbol that is easily recognizable to all members and that the outsiders who aren’t familliar are clearly oblivious too. But you know what…do ya, do ya??? EVERYBODY knows what the shit a rainbow is and looks like. Kids everywhere giggle and turn into little bastard bobbleheads when they see a rainbow. People of all ages get excited at the sight of rainbows. It’s just one of those things that everybody points out.
You know why…cuz they don’t come around so often. Things that don’t come around so often are usually cause for celebration, hence birthdays, anniversarys…or…
…Jesus!
Okay, that was a bad example.
But the gay community has decided that they were going to jack COLORS, and worse, the exact combination of colors that cause so much delight for people across the world to become their symbol. And what did that smart and logical decision do for the country???
Further divide people into the folks who can walk down the street with rainbows versus the folks who can’t walk down the street with rainbows for fear of being labeled gay. And you know who’s paying attention? Those fine chicks who you really don’t want to label you. Cuz you know what…once you get labeled, there’s no turning back. Which is funny to me. If you lie once…somebody’s gonna call you a liar but you can usually overcome that. But let somebody label you gay one time…it’s over.
I think I’m getting off subject here. We’re talking about symbols. Every group has a symbol. Hell, causes have symbols. The Black Power Movement, which was not a registered 501(c)(3) company had the black fist. The Breast Cancer movement has the pink ribbon. The Ku Klux Klan has the burning cross, bed sheets, and rope with black man hanging from a tree. Oh wait, they got rid of the rope…shit, my bad.
Maybe, I have misguided pissedoffedness. I mean, its only a rainbow right? Everybody should be able to enjoy the rainbow, right? Wrong. Everybody can’t enjoy a rainbow anymore. Those same little kids who love rainbows so much when they are young are gonna have to come to grips with the fact that when they get older…walking around with a rainbow keychain, or having rainbow stickers automatically makes them members of a club they might not want to be in. And don’t bullshit yourself either. Everybody that sees somebody walking around with a rainbow anything automatically thinks gay.
Shit is like the Batman signal. There is no more dead giveaway than a rainbow. I see them everyday in DC. Butch looking girls feel the need to erase all doubts we had in the first place about their sexuality with a rainbow…ya know, just so we know that they aren’t attracted to the men that they look like they can beat up.
[***ANOTHER DISCLAIMER: Fuck...look, that might sound harsh, but for real, in DC the lesbian women, or rather the homo-thug chicks are seriously representin'. I mean these chicks are everywhere. I don't know if lesbianism is just popular right now in the DC black gangsta community (sounds like they might need a symbol of their own) or what...but damn, its really everwhere. And what do they all have in common, amongst the Gats and .45's...they all carry rainbows! For unity!***]
It’s not fair anymore, cuz…well, I can’t appreciate rainbows anymore. When I see a rainbow, I don’t think happy thoughts or think of a little white man wearing a green suit guarding a pot of gold. I think a little white man wearing a tight ass green suit dancing to YMCA around a pot of condoms with his butt cut out of the pants. I know that isn’t right, and Hell may once again be beckoning…but shit, it ain’t my fault. Fuck, I can’t walk around with a rainbow umbrella. People are nowadays, especially in major cities, having to make concious decisions not to get too colorful. This is why I want the rainbow back. It’s taken on a whole new identity. It’s the symbol of the gay and lesbian community as opposed to just something that is great to see in the summertime after the rain while standing gazing into the sky (hell, that sounded a little gay didn’t it?).
Honestly, what the hell kind of symbol is a rainbow anyway? Since I have some time, let’s examine this. What are the core requirements of a group symbol? The symbol should 1) represent something about the group, 2) be easily identifiable to the members, 3) not offend anybody, 4) not take something that has been around for millions of years and is loved and enjoyed by many and turned into some shit that cannot be enjoyed by the masses anymore because the entire meaning behind it has been altered to something that, fair or unfair, is looked down upon in the community at large.
So how does the rainbow measure up on this test:
1) The rainbow is representative of the group. The gay and lesbian community is made up of people of all colors, be they white, black, indigo, purple, yellow, orange, red, or green…and people that come from all walks of life. I guess it does measure up…of course, this could be the case for damn near every organization outside of the Republican Party in America. Or at least it fits the Michael Jackson/Peter Pan Fan Club. And who the fuck wants to align Michael Jackson with rainbows. That’s probably some shit Bob Johnson would come up with. Not only fuck up BET, but fuck up rainbows too. Damn that BET. They take everything we love and work so hard for and turn it into some shitty ass channel that plays nothing but videos all day long because that is ALL black folks need to see on television not current news that actually affects the world NO we need to see how Laz Alonzo feels about pillows or some shit that REALLY affects the black community cuz black folks aint’ sleeping well…fuck it, BET rocks rainbows.
Whew…I SOOOOOOO lost my point there.
2) The rainbow is a dead giveaway to all members of the gay and lesbian group. BUT…all members do not rock rainbows. Karamo aint rocking any rainbows. However, he is also not rocking any balls either. It is easy identifiable but all members of the group cannot embrace the rainbow. But all I said was identifiable. So it works here too.
I’m losing my case so far.
3) Does the rainbow really offend anybody? No, or at least it shouldn’t. Some people are just against colors altogether. What would offend me however would be the return of Cross Colours apparel…which ironically is about as gay as gay gets. In fact, since we probably won’t get the rainbow back anyway, Cross Colors and GLAAD should form a partnership and “GLAAD to Rock Cross Colours”. The little symbol should be two sets of the symbols for man and woman holding sticks across the rainbow. Karamo could be the spokesman! How do I keep losing my point?
4) AHA! The rainbow has been around LONG before homosexuality. Can I prove this?? No…but I also can’t prove that there were any weapons of mass destructin in Iraq, and that didn’t stop anybody! So why stop now? The rainbow was nobody’s symbol. It was just something that little ghetto children and suburban children and grown ass men and women could all enjoy together at the exact same time as one of those reasons to actually stop and remember that that colors, yes colors, could come together and help eachother to become this beautiful working collage of unity! Hell, if anything, the rainbow should have been Dr. King’s symbol for the Civil Rights Movement. At least that is something that would be more inclusive than exclusive. And to hell with Operation Rainbow/PUSH. Or as Cedric the Entertainer AKA Eddie from Barbershop said…ahem…”FUCK Jesse Jackson.”
So you see…the rainbow doesn’t fit the paradigm.
Look, the bottom line here is that…well, I just want the damn rainbow back. I want to be able to look at a rainbow and not think gay. I want to be able to rock my tye dye without being down for the cause…cuz, honestly…I just like tye dye. It ain’t right that I can’t enjoy the rainbow anymore because I wasn’t given the option to express my dissent on the decision…fuck, take butterflies…nobody would care about no damn butterflies.
But no…they took the damn rainbow…and now I can’t appreciate it, it no longer makes me happy…
It just makes me blue.