“…thinking about the fears I’ve had for so long…”-Simply Red, “Holding Back the Years“, 1990
I wonder if anybody else has this problem.
I’m driving down the street listening to Youngbloodz “Damn”, a musical masterpiece in my mind, at extraordinarily loud levels. After all, this song is just perfect for riding down the block and knocking pictures off a wall. I’m cruising along, then I notice the street light turns from green to yellow to red. So I start to slow down and then do the unthinkable…
…I turn the volume down.
I often find myself looking around at the cars around me not wanting to force my music upon them, almost as if I’m ashamed at what I’m listening to. I look for impressionable young kids in the cars, elderly people who might have a heart attack or conniption if they hear Lil Jon scream “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAH” too loud. I even look for anybody who seems like they just might not be interested in my particular brand of vodka. I usually only don’t bother to change the volume when the cars surrounding me look like college students or people that might jack me given the right opportunity. And this bothers me and makes me wonder…
When the shit did I actually start to care? I literally give a shit nowadays. Youngbloodz don’t give a fuck…but you know what…I do. And this brings about my biggest fear.
I’m getting old.
People say when you get older you tend to get more conservative. Well I used to scoff at those people and say, “Fuck that…I am Malcolm X.” Ain’t nobody gonna make me change my patterns. If I want to listen to music as loud as I want to at 4am, then by golly…it shall be heard. Ya know, typical rebellious stuff. And it turns out, nobody made me change up anything…it was all me. It’s all internal. Shoot, I’m even respectful of people now when they get in my car to not play anything they might find particularly offensive.
WTF?????? This from a dude who’s favorite album is still and will always be NWA’s “EFIL4ZAGGIN.”
I remember when I was in high school getting kicked out of neighborhoods for driving through and playing my music extremely loud. When I was told to turn it down and leave…I would turn it up and drive off. And the thing is…its mostly because of the music I’m listening too. Mary Mary doesn’t really lend itself to being played at the highest decibel level you have, nor does Frank Sinatra. Linkin Park does…but you’ll fuck around and go deaf listening to that too loud. The only music that tends to lend itself to overtly loud consumption is…(drum roll please) hip hop.
And it isn’t only in the music realm either. You just can’t go out with your friends anymore when they all look like they only shop at Banana Republic and the Gap and you look like you shop at AnyGhetto Outfitters, USA. Happy hour used to be that time when I’d get back to back episodes of A Different World while drinking Kool-Aid…now its a fucking after work stop where I have to be dressed appropriately.
And this scares me too. It’s like I’m getting to old to dress how I want to dress and now I have to start dressing how people who are my age are supposed to dress. For the record, I’m only 25…the problem comes in when your peers are all these people with secondary degrees and are attempting to make their way in professional society. Professionals tend to “act” a little bit differently. Especially black professionals. It’s almost as if a lot “forget where they come from.” (*gasp*) Not that I don’t understand, there does tend to be a different set of rules…I just haven’t let them change me yet…too much. I mean this will never happen to me, cuz hell, I just won’t go:
Party for Junior Level Executive Employees for AnyCorporation:
(Setting: group of individuals at bar and some people on dance floor, Back That Thang Up by Juvenile comes on)
Becky: Oh my gosh…that’s my song!!! Come on Tanisharella…let’s dance!!!
Tanisharella: (obviously fighting every urge in her body to drop it like its hot) No no…I really don’t care for this song that much…you go on ahead…
Scott: Come on Tanisharella…this is the newest song out…its fun!!!
Tanisharella: Okay…just for a second.
(Tanisharella proceeds to the dance floor and drops it like its mild for 3.5 seconds.)
When Tanisharella was 18, she didn’t care who saw her drop it like it was hot. Hell, she probably dropped it like it was armageddon…but now she’s 25 and cares about what people see and think. And this is a problem facing a lot of us young urban “professionals” nowadays. The gap between what we used to do and what we are now supposed to do. We tend to think folks that act a donkey on the dancefloor now need to grow up…and further, my peers tend to not even go to those kind of places anymore where people would drop it like its hot. And it gets even crazier to think about age 30. Can I dress the way I do now…AT ALL???
I’m not a rapper. Or a ball player. I’m not a drug dealer. This means people won’t look at me and not care what I have on, or how loud I play my music. Not sure if its a testament to the lack of intelligent credibility we give these people, but we expect them to do things like that…ya know wear bandanas with tuxedos and listen to only 50 Cent…on the way to church. And yet if I do it, people are really going to be looking at me crazy.
Thing is…maybe I’m making this up. Potentially, nobody gives a shit. So why do I care so damn much?? Why is it that now I really pay attention to how loud I’m playing my music and who might be able to hear it…or go out of my way to make sure I’m dressed appropriately for any occasion???
Luckily Jay-Z said, “I don’t wear jersey’s I’m 30 plus/give me a fresh pair of jeans, nigga button-ups…“, cuz at least then young males started rocking more (and I hate this term) “grown” apparel, like I’m supposed to. I’m just interested in knowing why the hell I care so much now. Why do I worry about being offensive to other people and respecting other people’s space? What changed for me on the inside…is it because I stopped watching BET (low blow)?? I mean I still listen to the same music, curse as much, and wear the same clothes. I just changed up the way I do those things.
I listen to the same music in the car, just not as loudly when other people are around, try not to curse around people who don’t curse, and try to dress a little more age appropriate. And you know what…its fucking irritating! And I still want to know why I developed this God forsaken social conscience??? Is it only because I’m getting older or am I just holding on to my youth???
Shoot, I even find teenagers nowadays to be outright annoying and ignant. I often think to myself…”why won’t these little bastards act like they got some sense??” And I know I didn’t care when I was at that age…but now…
Why??
And why didn’t Jadakiss mention this shit in his song…oh, I forgot, he’s a rapper.
He doesn’t have to.