It’s time for another edition of….”FUCKED UP THINGS THAT PEOPLE DO OR SAY!”
*****DISCLAIMER: FEELINGS WERE HURT DURING THE MAKING OF THIS SEGMENT. TRUE STORY ALERT. TRUE STORY ALERT.*****
Do all your friends have both arms??
Mine don’t.
One of my friends has one arm.
His name’s Mike. We call him The Fugitive.
I didn’t even realize he only had one arm for like a year. I would be willing to argue in court that when we first met him he had two arms and a jersey on. I’m not sure where Mike even came from…one day he was just there. Un-armed and everything.
We used to kick it really hard at my boy T.’s house during the summers. T lived in one of them neighborhoods that was borderline ghetto but nice enough where you didn’t worry about getting shot up SO much. There was one driveby during a basketball game in an open field one summer. I know what you’re thinking…but it wasn’t Mike…he was never armed.
[In the country we played basketball in open fields. Some genius put a basketball goal in the middle of a field near the apartment complex...in the grass. And that's where we played. In the grass.]
Anyway, I remember one day we all stayed the night at T’s house and after we all got up the next day we made breakfast. Because I hate washing dishes…I dipped out of the kitchen and went to watch cartoons…probably Animaniacs or something cuz that’s my show.
Well because of Mike’s handicap, we all tended to be a little sympathetic to his cause. You know help out whenever we could to make things a little easier. And this day was no different. I was in the middle of my cartoons…
…and I hear this exchange in the kitchen.
T: Don’t worry man, I got the dishes.
Fugitive: No, I’ll do them. I got this.
T: (getting pissed cuz he has a short fuse and cuz he’s just trying to be nice and help) No, I’m gonna do the dishes man, just go in the living room.
[sidenote: Kids never argue about wanting to do the chores anymore...I blame rap music.]
Fugitive: (getting frustrated cuz he knows why T’s trying to do the dishes) Dog, I can do my own freakin’ dishes. You don’t have to do anything for me. I can do anything you can do…
T: (completely pissed resulting in tactlessness at this point) OH YEAH…NIGGA…WELL…CLAP!!!!!!!!!!!
The Fugitive left the building.
Thank you.
This concludes this episode of F.U.T.P.D.O.S!!!! Stay tuned for future episodes.
OH YEAH…NIGGA…WELL…CLAP!!!!!!!!!!!
I.am.done…
this was even funnier the second time around.