So I went to the Universoul Circus on Friday night. Let me say upfront…I’ve never been to a circus in my life. I’m like the last person on earth to go to a circus. Zoo. Check. Petting Zoo. Check. Strip Club (similar to circus). Check. Circus…nope.
So a lovely woman I know and her crazy friend whom I will call Sunshine forever more, upon hearing my complaints on never going to a circus decided to take me. I owe her a lot, Sunshine was just there for the ride. However, this circus COULDN’T be like the others. For starters, I’ve heard of the Universoul Circus before. I mean as a black person, who hasn’t. It’s the only African-American owned and operated circus on earth. Shit…tennis, golf, circuses, pretty soon we are gonna own it all. Next up on the agenda…Government.
So I’m thinking its gonna be lots of black folks doing all the same things they do at a regular circus. So imagine my surprise when Svengala( I just made that name up) the Russian acrobat comes out to perform. Now, I’ve never been to Russia, but two things I know in life. Red Kool-Aid IS a flavor, and there ain’t no black people in Russia. Sure enough…Svengala and her two spotters where good old fashioned white people. Then came the Twisted Sisters…ironically called that since 3 out of the 4 were Asians (non-related) and the fourth was a black chick from South Africa. Guess which one had the most body???? Oh, and they were all unsexxy…in fact, majority of the women in the whole damn circus were QUITE unsexxy. As a man, I tend to have lustful thoughts about a lot of women I come across. Not Friday night, my mind was pure as freshly fallen snow.
So then we get our first glimpse of animals. Horses…acrobatic horsemen and women. White people, black people, Asian people. (*As you can see, the fact that there were LOTS of un-black people really surprised me. It’s really just black owned and operated with a Black ringmaster…who just so happened to be Shuckey Duckey…Quack Quack…from Comic View and Def Comedy Jam*) Then came the acrobatic Latinos…I mean acrobatic brothers. Personally I think this joint was the epitome of Affirmative Action. I just didn’t know circuses were covered.
Also in this circus, was the only African-American elephant trainer in the world. I’m not sure the stats on this…but I’m not sure how many elephant trainers there are period. But I guess its impressive…or would be moreso if he wasn’t eyeballin’ every kid in the audience like he was R. Kelly’s mentor. I mean, while he was setting up the stage for the tigers (which were tight by the way) he was just really scoping the crowd with this, I’m a molester(sp?) send your kids to me look. The elephants were tight though, so dude is obviously very skilled at his job…just won’t be letting my kids go pet the tigers if he’s the only one supervising.
I almost forgot. No black circus would be complete without the sensual, since you know us black folks is sexual beings, oversexxed man and woman tandem doing a performance with bedsheets hanging from the ceiling. They got a little…um…errr…excited while playing the longest game of cat and mouse in them sheets. Some of those viewings were inappropriate for kids under 17 years of age…and 80-year old men sitting next to me with eyes glued to the woman while yelling out “DAMN” everytime the woman did a full-fledged split in the air. I only hope his grandkids, all 12 of them, didn’t know what he was thinking.
There were three things that made the circus distincly black though and left no doubt in my mind that this joint was fully funded by Negroes. First off…there was a Soul Train line. As in, pulling folks from the audience to do an authentic Soul Train line. I was waiting for somebody to wheel the scrambleboard out at any moment. Also, there was this ghettofabulous clown from Miami. Full clown/pimp attire with a gold chain and a pimp’s swagger. This clown even went so far as to ask somebody in the audience for two dollars for the flowers he was holding…And lastly, they had this TIGHT dance duo who basically was as entertaining as anything else in the whole circus. And one of the dudes was from New Orleans…gold fronts and all. He even put on a half-baked strip show for the ladies in the audience. Dancing negroes at a black circus…go figure?!??!?!
Overall, I enjoyed myself. For my first circus experience it was a good one. The circus was definitely urban, with Marvin Gaye and 50 Cent both making appearances via what had to be a DJ in there somewhere. What was even funnier was these under 12 year old kids singing along to all the old school songs like Chingy redid them all. That’s how my kids are gonna be…well versed in old school music. But I had fun…a lot of fun actually. So for my money…the Universoul Circus gets “an around the world …and back snap”!!!
And women riding elephants isn’t as sexxy as I thought it might be…at all. And 6 year old Asian contortionists kind of freak me out. Thanks.
*EDIT: I forgot to send a shout out to the Detroit Pistons who are thoroughly whipping the Lakers ASSES all up and down the court. Up 3-1 in the Finals. And isn’t it freakishly scary how much Karl Malone’s daughter looks AND sounds like Karl Malone…yeeeeeeeeech.*